spicing up a sunday

i rarely skip church. it's been engrained in every ounce of my body that when 9am hits sunday morning, i am out of bed, eating breakfast, and getting dressed for church. well, this morning started at about 8:30 for me. i woke up, and i knew i wouldn't go to church. this doesn't happen often--i enjoy church and i like feeling like one small inkling in the midst of a lot of people worshipping God. it's an amazing feeling, and i do look forward to it.
this morning was for personal worship time, because i rarely do it. i thought about missing worship service, preaching and Bible study, but the problem is that i enjoy all of those, but i never contribute to them, really. i don'r prepare for bible study, i don't prepare for preaching, and the most i do at worship service is sing some of the songs i know.
this morning was when God spanked me on the butt and said, "Read Your Bible, Jamie." (God speaks in capital letters, too.) So like always, I lottery-flipped my Bible to a random page--Habakkuk. i've never read Habakkuk before, and it's a short 3 chapters. Habakkuk was weary. very much so. he questioned God and questioned what was going on in the times. (relativity: check.)
then i started reading chapter 2. to you Bible-readers out there, this may not be new. again, i'm no Bible scholar and i certainly don't read it often enough to account for much, but verses 12-14 kind of rocked me a bit.

12.Woe to him who builds a town with bloodshed, who establishes a city by iniquity! 13.Behold, is it not the Lord of hosts that the peoples labor to feed the fire, and nations weary themselves in vain? 14.For the earth will be filled withthe knowledge of the glory o the Lord, as te waters cover the sea.

i'm not very politically involved, and altough i think this can be applied in different ways--especially to our current political situation--it really makes me think about my own motives as a Christian, as a person, as an american.
after i graduate, i'm taking a year off to try another summer/year of mission work. i'd like to travel, write, pick up random jobs,--something to pay bills and help me grow as a person.
sometime i'd like to join the Peace Corps. I'd like to continually be involved in mission work, but I never want my motivation to go beyond trying to help people. in my worst judgmental days, i became greedy for God, but in a very very bad way.
in a nutshell, i was not a good judge. i discouraged people rather than encouraged. then i talked about them, how they're headed on a road to hell, how they're in the wrong way, how God would do something bad to them to get their attention.

let me pause a minute. at this moment, you need to know that this is why i read those verses this morning. after i read them, i fell asleep for another hour or two. then i woke up, took a shower, and thought about those verses. then i started writing, and let me tell you, writing is beyond music in my way of worship. by writing, i am learning what God has supplied and i am trying to apply it to my life. i hope this doesn't sound egotistical...just don't think i'm full of myself.

so for all the bad things we Christians have done--throughout the history of Christian no-nos--of Christian violence through wars, through heated tongues and heavy hands, through pointed fingers... we cannot establish others. we cannot establish a group of people as a city because we are not God. that's what i feel like i need to be very careful of if i do the Peace Corps or if missions becomes very prominent in my life.

i want people to find Jesus. i want them to see Him in me. but i don't want to turn a small village or town into a mini-Bible belt. i don't want to americanize them. i want other cultures to embrace Jesus and worship Jesus...and still keep cultures if they can. basically, i don't want Christianity to be an "american" thing. it's supposed to be a world thing, and it won't work if WE always try to establish things as from us--honestly, Christianity isn't even a church thing. it's a personal relationship thing. it's a Jesus thing. it's a spirit thing. church is important, people are important, but sometimes we have to separate ourselves for a moment to analyze ourselves...to prepare ourselves when we forget. so that maybe we can be filled with knowledge and wisdom rather than following a pattern set forth every sunday.

i'm not discouraging church on sundays, either. clearly, i understand tht i could have had this epiphany thing during the week if i was more obedient, but that's just not how it happened. sometimes, God doesn't work in patterns.