conditional love

seems i'm on a bit of a love kick this month.

so i was thinking about love. godly love, parental love, unconditional love; i'm wondering if i wasn't my parents' daughter... would they even like the person i am?

honestly, if i were just a random girl who they saw walking down the street or had a random conversation with in a restaurant or wal mart, they might like me okay.

but if i were my actual self in wal mart--if i were checking out weird cds or looking at crazy clothes, playing with kids' toys or being obnoxious in the tampon aisle, they might not like me very much.

and i'm not trying to run down my parents, either. i'm just using them as an example. (is it bad to say that? that i'm USING my parents for writing purposes? i feel a bit like a bad child.)

anyway, i'm just wondering how conditional love really is.
people fall in love and get married because of this love idea. they make vows about unconditional love that can only be separated by our mortal conditions. but sometimes communication gets a bit fuzzy, things start happening, and the love--if it ever really existed--is over. people are broken, people are relieved, people are depressed, people are happy.

and clearly, i understand that since i have no child, i can't possibly understand the love for one.

but i can question it.
i know that there is unconditional love from God, and sometimes, i love how it overwhelms me. and sometimes, my dad might kiss me on the forehead and tell me he loves me, and i know that it can't have the same effect like God's love.

but of all the Christians in America...heck, in the world...we're supposed to be consumed with God's unconditional love. so if i see an obnoxious person in the tampon aisle or if i see an old lady digging out perfect change at the ice cream place as i'm salivating on my combination of coffee ice cream, toffee, caramel and walnuts, or if i see a guy at a concert with tight girl jeans and a sweater with another guy on his arm, both wearing big smiles... OR if i see a girl in a pretty scarf wrapped around her head, hiding her pretty dark features and speaking in an interesting accent...

i want to love them, too. i want to ignore any judgments i've accumulated over my near-22 years of being. i want to roll up all stereotypes i've sadly laughed at in this Bible Belt...I want to crumble them up like the poorly-written newspaper in this Mayberry of a town, and I want to throw it in the depths of the smelly garbage.

i want to really understand unconditional love. i want to give it to others. i want to feel it more often.

i want to love love and not be cynical about it.