Change of plans, kind of

For a week or so I have been internally FLIPPING OUT. Mainly because I leave in under a month, but I had also not heard from the PC as to which domestic city I would visit for orientation, which is called "Staging" in PC lingo. I mailed my PC Passport application (kind of like a visa) the day after I got my invitation, but I read that if we filled it out wrong, we were pretty much out of luck. They had the rights to ask someone else to go in my place, and I may not hear if I filled it out wrong.
Yikes. Nonetheless, I was freaking out.
It's been a weird couple of days, and last night at Bible study we talked about a lot of God stuff, but we ended with a Basic video (Francis Chan in all his brilliance) that totally focused on fear. Fear has been my roadblock in my faith because I don't fear God a lot. Not that I don't want to, but I just don't fear a whole lot. Being afraid means I'm vulnerable and I feel all weak inside, and any relationship that I've ever had based on fear has been a crappy one, so... I mean why shoud I fear this Almighty God who loves me and who has done so much? It just seems weird.
I don't like being afraid. I don't watch scary movies (without completely covering my face with a blanket,) and I hang out with people I trust. Fear is just not a part of me very often. Except for when pigeons are around. Or if I have to play the piano in front of a lot of people.
So I've been diving into discomfort. Finding my fears, dealing with them, asking God to place a fear in me FOR him...because I need to fear him.
Here are some fears I have:
--Being comfortable for too long
--Losing my nieces
--Well, actually, losing my family
--Suicide (it's such a mystery and it terrifies me)
--Romantic relationship (didn't realize it until recently)
--Having kids
--Finding a person. Like that 'one person' person.
--Pigeons
--Labels
--America
--Cooking Bacon
--Being dismissed from the Peace Corps if they think I'm not up to par

So I prayed over some of this stuff and this afternoon I realized that this whole PC thing is totally in God's hands. SO I asked for peace for it.
I got up, peed, and went to the computer to check my email.
And there it was. My directions for Staging. So I leave for LA on Oct. 4th, then on Oct. 5, I leave for Tonga.
Jesus is awesome :)