Thoughts on the 4th

I celebrated the fourth by putting strawberries and blueberries on my waffles.
Obviously, I'm nearly friend-less in Indy. I don't mean that in a mopey way, just that most of the people I DO know already had/have plans, and the people I would normally chill with on the 4th are 4+hours away.
It's actually kind of sad, I think. Maybe it isn't. But I feel so disconnected from this country right now. Politics are lightyears over my head, and I don't particularly care about them, either. I keep thinking about where I could be in a few months. If I go to Africa, there will be no fireworks at all hours of the night. There will be no fireworks at all. No grill-outs, no parties, no potlucks. I wouldn't have my Mom's famous Cherry delight with added blueberries to look like our flag. (It really is quite adorable.)
Today at church, there was a slideshow of THE Independence Day, and there were these famous quotes from one of those famous dudes, and, of course, it mentioned God and the glory of freedom, freedom from the oppression of a dominating, selfish country. Yet, if we're in such a free country, why do I feel oppressed and anxious to get out of it?
Mostly, it's self-oppression. I layer on the hurt of years (since I am SOOOO old and have SOOOO many years of pain.) I still let people affect me terribly, which tells me that my heart is just as tender as it was 10 years ago.
I remember the first time I ever heard of the Peace Corps. Coach Roberts, in freshman Biology, showed us slides of his PC service in South America and Africa. The one I remember the most is a picture of this beautiful black boy. The first picture was of his face, the second was of the top of his head where maggots were infested. Coach Roberts had to remove the maggots, taking away a little of the skin, if I recall. I remember feeling so GUILTY. So IGNORANT of how other children lived in faraway places. I remember that his eyes were whiter than the maggots, but dark in the center like his glossy black skin.
I'm not sure why I bring this up now. I guess because sometimes I need perspective, and it's amazing that something that happened 8 years ago brings me back to a humble perspective.
Because I may feel oppressed by people, by institutions, by rules. But I am 22 and I have clean hair (or will in 20 minutes,) my teeth are straight, I have access to feminine products, I can still taste Mom's famous Cherry Delight, and I can go to a church. I'm appreciative of that, and I know I should be thankful for it. But I my sight is zooming past the sparkle of the fireworks and the smell of the grill.
I have work to do.